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Sharing and Writing about Experiences of Loss with Nikki Hillman

Episode 2: Show Notes.

Tragedy and loss have many scars, and no one can know the full effects of losing a child until we experience it ourselves. Today on the show, to bravely share her journey after losing her daughter Marley, is Nikki Hillman. After getting acquainted with Nikki’s family, work-life, and some of her background, Nikki, unpacks the events that unfolded at the hospital that led to her daughter’s death. Our guest generously talks about each step of the delivery and the time leading up to it, touching on her husband’s presence, moments of confusion, and what it was like to hold her daughter, Marley. For Nikki, dealing with the loss of her daughter has had many layers and stages, and she still feels she is in a fog of grief in some ways. She talks about how writing about her feelings and experiences has helped her, and the ultimate need for connection and communication that is so important for mourning parents. Our conversation also covers the shortcomings of some of the words we use to describe the loss of a child, the effect that these events can have on a marriage, and Nikki’s personal experience of healing. So please feel free to join in on this powerful conversation? This podcast discusses miscarriage, pregnancy, infant and child loss, please listen with care.

Key Points From This Episode:

  • An introduction to Nikki, her family, her home in North Dakota, and her work as a librarian.
  • Nikki’s love of writing and how losing her daughter renewed her drive to do more.
  • Recounting Nikki’s pregnancy and the delivery of Marley at the hospital.
  • Memories of holding Marley and the feeling that Nikki had that she was just sleeping.
  • Why Nikki feels torn about using the term ‘stillbirth’ when talking about Marley.
  • The fog of grief and isolation that is so hard to clear after a tragedy.
  • Nikki looks back at some of the hardest points and days that she went through
  • Glimpses of the light after loss; when laughter and some normality slowly start to resurface.
  • Experiences of pregnancy after losing Marley, and the further fertility issues that Nikki encountered.
  • The outdated nature of the term ‘miscarriage’; thoughts on how we could improve our use of words.
  • Why it’s so important to be able to talk about our experiences after a huge loss.
  • The broadening of perspective that has happened in Nikki since she lost Marley.
  • How loss has affected Nikki’s relationship with her husband.
  • Nikki explores the idea of healing and how acceptance plays into this for her.
  • The landmines that exist in each day and how to navigate an environment full of triggers.

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