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The Guilt That Follows the Grief with Sara Schultz

Episode 10: Show Notes.

Losing a child is the most painful thing you can experience and the guilt that follows during the grieving process can come as a surprise! Joining us on Haven the Podcast is Sara Schultz. Sara is a mother of 5 and is also a planetarium director. Today we discuss the loss of Sara’s fourth child, Ruby, to Trisomy 18, how Sara found out that Ruby had no heartbeat, and how she told her other children the devastating news. You’ll also hear about what going home without a baby was like, difficult milestones, grief groups, and Sara’s rainbow pregnancy. We also delve into the guilt parents experience after the loss of a child and why grief never goes away. Finally, we talk about why crying is so important. To hear all this and more, tune in now!

Key Points from This Episode:

  • Introducing today’s guest, Sara Schultz.
  • Why Sara’s pregnancy with her angel baby, Ruby, was the first one she was ready for.
  • Sara’s experience of finding out that Ruby had Trisomy 18.
  • How Sara found out that Ruby had no heartbeat.
  • How they told their other children about their sister.
  • What it was like to go home after Sara’s devastating loss.
  • Why diving into moving into their new house helped Sara start the healing process.
  • What milestones are difficult for Sara.
  • How a grief group helped Sara.
  • The feeling of jealousy that accompanies this kind of grief.
  • The guilt a parent feels when they’ve lost a child.
  • We consider how we can be more self-compassionate.
  • How Ruby is still with Sara and her family.
  • What Sara would say to a mom whose baby just got diagnosed with Trisomy 18.
  • The new scientific research that suggests that a child’s DNA is ever-present in their mother.
  • Whether the endlessness of the universe is comforting or concerning to a grieving parent.
  • Sara considers if she feels ‘healed’ after the loss of Ruby.
  • Why grief never diminishes.
  • The guilt Sara experienced during her pregnancy with her rainbow baby.
  • Why it is good to cry.


“[Finding out that Ruby had Trisomy 18] was the first time I think that I probably ever experienced legitimate, just denial.” — Sara Schultz [0:05:21]

“For a month I had to be a mom to my children who were alive and this child who was going to die.” — Sara Schultz [0:08:23]

“It’s amazing the things that don’t matter anymore after you’ve lost a child and the things that do matter.” — Sara Schultz [0:13:27]

“When it comes to [grief,] I let myself feel whatever I’m feeling because that’s the only way to get through it.” — Sara Schultz [0:27:37]

“I think healing probably means more like being able to live your life again. A new life because it’s not the same and it never will be.” — Sara Schultz [0:38:46]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Sara Schultz on LinkedIn